Sunday, April 19, 2009 @ 5:31 PM
This week was rather okie.. Fall sick the second time due to lack of sleep.
Had flu.. Real bad one but not as bad as wad i had during my attachment, at least the skin of my nose did not dried up and peel. Well, it was good because it kept me wide awake. I rather be sick again. haa
School started.. I could say there is alot to study, and i have no choice but to cut down what I've committed earlier on. If not I won't even have time to breathe. Seriously.. I think it won't make a difference. But well, I'm sure God will understand my comings. Teachers are great! I'm starting to appreciate my Bio teacher teaching. I wouldn't say i have no choice, but because i think she really makes alot of effort because u can see her running up and down to hunt for those who missed her class or needs help, she is ever ready to make time and give her best. Which btw not many teacher have this quality. I am slowly moved.
I thank God also for my Class CA's from 1.1 till now. God has been gracious and He really knows what's best for the class. I must say God has blessed me with such wonderful teacher who is so willing to help us out by staying back or arranging extra class with us and want us to give our best. Indeed, Nurses really are trained to have patience. xD I thank God for my Year one overall results. :D God is gracious and merciful. I don't deserve. I thank God that I've got a bursary. haha my head of nursing is interesting when he shared the song I will survived. Oh yes.. On that same evening when I am in a lift with a girl.. The song "I will survived" was playing in her MP3 with the volume that could be heard so clearly when we are in the lift. She was humming it too.. haha interesting. YEA.. got to learn how to survive the last 2 laps. I want to apply for the Austraila trip to Melbourne nursing school. It's tough. But I must overcome my fear of the unknown first. Very uncertain to apply coz i'm scared. haa. Well see how it goes.
I've been on a emotional ride too till since dunno when.. Too much things has been running in and out of my mind, got some degree of insomnia. Things unexpectedly keeps on distracting me and i'm really angry with myself [not because of unblock goals]. Although i really dun wished to spell it all out here. I just cant concentrate and cant help to keep thinking about it. What runs through my mind now is what my friend asked my teacher: Why is this world unfair? haa and my teacher replied: The world is never fair. Yup that's true. Definitely I've seek and cried out to God. It's true that when men are facing with problems the 3 questions that they will ask is : WHY me? WHY this? WHY now?.. it's just the WHY questions. Is it?
Identity crisis?
We all have to faced it one day. Probably I may be facing this problem. It's normal. I'm finding myself, changing myself and struggling to "shut up" . Appeasing others is not my forte, I please God not man. I'm changing for Him.
Worn-out? suffering a burn-out?
Maybe.. All of a sudden I just don't feel like being friendly, active or even you could say be bothered about other people matter. I just lost all interest and I'm just entitling myself to solitude moments. And yes.. I definitely can keep quiet even just for an hour, my presence to some are ignored anyway. I sure can, it depends whether I want it anot. Maybe i'm just thinking too much.. my close friends would understand why. Christian do have a right to be or get upset.. Yes and I did pray to God to guide me. I'm just back to Sec one learning how to smile because a teacher told me I looked fierce when i don't smile.
Without the Highs and the lows, Where would we go?
I'm rejoicing in God through all this problem.. Not that I need to show it. I'm reassured by hymns and verses that I have saved in my HP and took out to listen and meditate on those words. It's good to be able to turn to somebody when you are upset.
I'm growing stronger by God's help, to help mould me into who He wants me to be. I'm adjusting and slowly standing up again. I need time. Trying to be superficial is not me. But I admit I was sometime ago. I doubt humans, I doubt sincerity of others, I doubt no one understand, I doubt myself. But i DID NOT doubt God's capabilities. But through all this I was strengthened by God even more.
Repressing everything is not the way to solve any problems too. Till today, I am still not honest with my sharing. That's my own rights anyway. If I were to tell it all. You have tt thinking too. What if people think otherwise of you after you share? I dun wan to spoil relationships. I have my own bunch of sturggles, that' between me an God.
I'm done with all the Rarr Rarr. pls don't jump into conclusions, when u dun noe anything. I'm learning how to also. Not that i'm perfect. I'm not, so are you.
Yes, A rest is needed. Not sleep but mind off from all this nonsense that i'm thinking. I had a great laughed out loud ytd. It's been long I bet ppl heard me laughing so hard. I'm sorry if i would have embarrassed anyone. I don't like to be restricted when I need to vent it off. Pardon me.
It's tiring to be happy superficially sometimes. alrites no more.. another week of sch. I'm faced with many more challenges. I will look to God for strength and joy and it should not be found in men. "I know my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. Job 19:2-27. This was what Job said when He was facing with many diversed situation ordered by God and testing that God allowed satan to tempt Him. His Grace is sufficient for me :) I'm covered by His great Love.
Give me time, to be back to who I am that God wants me to be. No cold shoulders pls , a smile to show that u understand my situations would be enough and appreciated if u see this post. I'm not here to gain pity.. In good or bad times Give Thanks. I dun wan my friends to know my happy moments only. Pls pray for me .. :D keep close to Him and be disciplined in all the things i need to do and complete. Thanks :D
A hymn that sent me peace and assurance when someone hurt me unknowingly on that faithful morning.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
I'm born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.
Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.(Refrain)
Perfect submission, all is at rest;
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
I'm filled with God's goodness,
I'm lost in his love.(Refrain)
He reassured me with this song. His love is far greater than words can make known.
i'm not weird. I'm just me.